Welcome to Southern Florida!

Posted: May 25, 2008 in Observations
Tags: ,

Anybody who’s lived down here in the nether regions of the Sunshine State is familiar with it’s GAD – Generic Area Descriptor: South Florida.

There’s nothing really wrong with it. I mean. It’s simple and easy to remember, but it’s vague. Where’s the cutoff? Does that include SouthWEST Florida? (Not likely; the folks in Lee and Collier County look at the eastern counties and see a mixture of Sodom, Kabul and Tijuana.

I take South Florida to mean the Southeastern counties, but… who the hell am I?

South Florida is often used as a location anonymizer.  A lot of folks are horrified at the thought of their out-of-state friends knowing that they live in the “M-word”: Miami.  They’ll either lie, rattle off some obscure neighborhood name or pull out the old G.A.D.: “I’m from South Florida!”

The best example of Miamiphobia is baseball’s Florida Marlins. The freakin’ stadium’s in Miami-Dade county, most of the fans (who only become aware that there’s a major league baseball in town when World Series tickets go on sale) are from Miami-Dade county, as are most of the hoodlums breaking into the cars in the parking lot. So why not the Miami Marlins?  Hell, the Miami Dolphins play in the same damned stadium as the Florida Marlins.

I smell fish-mammal discrimination, and it stinks.

I have a solution. I live in Southern Florida. Nobody knows how to handle that. They figure you’re either a redneck, an ancient settler that remembers when people called it “Miam-uh” or just weird. Any one of those suits me fine.

But then, I yell out “Free Bird” at jazz concerts.

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