Demented Ducks of Doom!

Posted: December 13, 2008 in Uncategorized
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Thought I’d share a little Southern Florida Weirdness.

My route to work is designed to avoid major roads, so I take a lot of side streets and cut through a lot of suburban ‘hoods. Takes about 25-30 minutes.

After I pass the OJ house (yep, Mr. Juice  lived less than two miles away before he was traded to Las Vegas) I cut down a street that I call Bird Road because of the diversity of birdlife. (It’s a joke, there actually is a major street here  called Bird Road, and… ahh, nevermind.)

Near the OJ place, in a neighborhood of larger homes, there’s a lot of peacocks. In the spring, they occasionally get busy right on the road. Hard to miss with all those feathers flopping around.

Further on, there’s a church that backs up to a canal.  A large flock of white ibis, at least 50, hangs out there, as well as various other birdies, including the ubiquitous Muscovy ducks, ugliest goddamn ducks on the planet.  Big fat aggressive ducks with horrible diseased-looking red wattles all over their faces.

ugly goddamned duck

ugly goddamned duck

Well, yesterday, I saw feathers flying from a yard nearby and saw that a red-tailed hawk had a smaller one down on the ground and was riding it like a cowboy on a bronco. The hawk seemed to be winning.

I’ve seen these ducks attack people for not feeding them. I’ve seen little kids, excited about throwing bread to the duckies, go stiff with terror and then run screaming to their parents, the hideous waddling beasts in pursuit. And they don’t quack — they hiss and sound like mouth-breathing obscene phone callers. Maybe I can find a recipe…

Think I may have just gotten an idea for another story. Hitchcok had “The Birds,” Horace has “The Ducks.”


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