Horse Lynching in Collier County, Florida

Posted: December 15, 2008 in Uncategorized
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Had a nice weekend visit with our friends in Naples.  Had an enormous bonfire, got into a massive three-way citrus fight and saved a horse from hanging itself from a tree.

No, really. They have a over a hundred citrus trees, peacocks, hens, a turkey and the usual cats and dogs.  And two horses.

Our friend had tied her horse to a tree while she got it ready for a ride.  (New Rule: use a halter instead of of a rope around the horse’s neck!)  The horse wasn’t in the mood for a ride, got spooked, backed away and she lost her footing in the soft soil and went down.

I ran out of the house when I heard our friend scream.  The horse was laying down wheezing with its freakin’ tongue hanging out. I ran in the shed and found some tin snips and cut the rope.

I saved the goddamn horse.

And it’s a good thing I found those snips, because her son came running out of the house with a two-foot machete and was about to go ninja on the rope.  Talk about your recipes for disaster.

Somehow, we survived the weekend without killing anything except a few drinks and shitload of marshmallows.  And oranges. It was a citrus holocaust.  We put them in the fire, they get black and the juice starts to boil and they erupt through their stem holes like little volcanoes.  Today we had a massive war and I smell like OJ.

The juice, not the Juice.


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