Posts Tagged ‘colonoscopy’

Just what the world needs, another post from a middle-aged asshole about his middle-aged asshole.

It’s kind of sad when you realize that the most interesting thing in your life, the only thing you can think to write about is a diagnostic procedure.

(Fuck it. Who am I kidding? Things shoved up butts is pure comedy. The Law of Rectal Penetration states that the size of the laugh is proportional to the size of the object. However, this only applies to inanimate objects; refer to local Sodomy laws for biological guidance.)

So, I drank the salty sea of laxatives, felt the earth move under my shirt, rode the hot spluttering butt-bronco.

Next morning, hungry and caffeineless, I sat in the waiting room awaiting the call.

Didn’t take long.

Cowering naked beneath the scratchy white blanket, I couldn’t help but think about the plumber I called a few Thanksgivings ago to snake my drain (“you gotcherself a serious tree root issue here, friend”) as I was interrogated, calibrated and finally anesthetized.

That was it.

My poop chute was immaculate. Really, the doc complimented me on my thorough cleanout. Maybe I should rent it out as a hamster theme park. Until then,

Habitrails to you!
’til we meeeet aaaa-gain!