Posts Tagged ‘The Lizard Pit’

Drought Lizards

Posted: March 15, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

It’s so dry in South Florida.

(How dry is it?)

It’s so dry that if you squirt some water on the pavement, a half-dozen little brown reptiles will jump out of the shrubs, hurl themselves at the nearest rivulet and lap it up like a pack of tiny flat wiener dogs.

No kidding.

We’ve had about a quarter inch of rain in three months, one of those El Niño years. It’s like Tuscon, Arizona here, and the landscaping is becoming desert-like. 

I have no affection for grass, or anything that requires regular cutting. It’s pointless, like shaving.  Over the years we’ve replaced a lot of the stuff with native plants, but we finally had to bite the bullet and set out some sprinklers. The stuff was starting to look like a fire hazard.  We’re only allowed to water on Sundays and Thursdays, so today I’ve been busy repairing hoses and ancient sprinklers.  As I write this, water is now being spritzed into the atmosphere and falling like… water.

We have a huge staghorn fern hanging on a chain under our mango. I’ve been wanting to move it because the chain was cutting into the bark, but it weighs a ton and in the interest of my back, I’ve put it off for years.  Well, the thing is now so dry that I could actually carry it, so I was able to break the bolt with a pair of vicegrips and lug it over to the swingset and hang it on a rope. Now you can at least see the thing, it was hidden before.

Of course, it looks like a giant brown hairball, but it’ll come back.

‘scuse me, but this post is making me real thirsty.


I just received my third Necrotic Tissue from Minnesota Scott, kindly editor of that fine publication,  so I guess the time as come to make my fashion statement and pimp the zine.

Really, I’m just getting NCTee 1 broke in real good. It has a nice rotting flesh smell, with notes of gangrene and fish slime. Tasty.

Here it is, modeled by yours truly and accessorized with my male spawn. Picture was taken about a month ago on the Loop Road in the Big Cypress at a place that may or may not be “The Lizard Pit” (I ain’t saying.)

And if I haven’t beat it into your head enough, you can read the whole sordid tale at Necrotic Tissue (first issue) and hear the podcast at Well Told Tales. Just follow the links over there on the right somewhere, or go to “My Black Pages,” “Read Mo’ Ho'” for direct links.  And if you haven’t done so, subscribe to Necrotic Tissue. Their latest issue is just out and rocks all-encompassingly. It’s free, subscribe! Or don’t and be a turd-fondling loser, see what I care.